Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Got It? Flaunt It


Most women concentrate solely on the parts of themselves they want to change.  They refuse to see their soccer player legs, their awesome shoulders, their spectacular boobs, and concentrate on why their arms are fat, their belly's flabby, or their [x] is [y].  I really don't like that.  A body is to be celebrated, whatever shape it's in.  The modern media has turned the average woman's body into something to be hated, something to be fixed and not loved.  I may not be able to turn that around on my own, but I can help y'all celebrate what you do love about your bodies.  Most articles on "celebrating" one's body parts rely on showing it off via skintight or nonexistent clothing, which I abhor.  If I wanted to see more Skankyhos wandering around, I'd go back to where I grew up.  Instead, I'll focus on how to showcase it without dressing like you belong on a street corner.
Face
You love your face.  Those cheeks, those eyes, those lips, whathaveyou, it's farking awesome.
  • Wear your hair up, or in a very short cut.  With no hair to hide it, your face is front and center, ready for the world's adulation. (And if they don't love it, fuck'em.)
  • Play with makeup, subtly, to make your favorite features standout.  Love your eyes? Mascara.  Love your lips? Chapstick and lip gloss (lipstick if you have the giveadamn to bother.) Love your cheeks? A subtle dash of blush.
  • Wear scarves tied at the neck, higher necklaces with lower necklines, and/ or stand out earrings to call attention to what's right next to it: your gorgeous mug.
Neck
Your neck is long and gorgeous or suits your body just right.  Others may see theirs as a oddly vulnerable column on the body, you see yours as a proof God does exist.
  • Necklaces. Scarves.   Tie it near the neck and keep 'em short.
  • Low cut, but not revealing necklines will draw the eye to that area.
 Shoulders
Your shoulders inspired Solomon and Shakespeare. Structural or well rounded, there isn't a woman out there that should be ashamed of her shoulders.  Even if you're heavyset, your shoulders are smooth and frame you out well.
  • Tanks and sleeveless tops draw the eye to the shoulder's by showcasing them without necessarily needing a strapless bra or showing off bra straps.
  • Shoulder detailing, such as lacing, lace, and crochet, show them off without putting them on complete display.
Boobs
Tiny A's, Gimongo Fs, sedate Bs or stunning C's, if you love 'em, flaunt 'em!
  • Stay away from shirts so low cut that breathing threatens indecent exposure.  There are better ways.
  • A sweetheart neckline, scoop neck, or v-neck in a formfitting, but not clingy, style will show them off without running the risk of Skankyho.
  • I have yet to see a woman out of her teens that can pull off a tube top well without looking skanky.  No, not you either.  Put it down and walk away.
Arms You have guns bigger than my alma mater, or arms thinner than a hanger.  You love 'em.
  • Short sleeves, cap sleeves,  sleeveless: it's actually ok to show off your arms by not covering them.
  • Lace and crochet sleeves call attention without actually baring skin, for less casual occasions.
Back
You have a back to die for.  Muscles for days, smooth, or just plain awesome, it begs to be shown off.
  • See above.  Put down the tube top.
  • Racer back, lace back, crocheted, these will all show off your beautiful back without going the dangerous route of completely backless.
  • Watch for shirt length. You want longer rather than shorter, or you run the risk of your shirt pulling up and exposing your back in a way that looks trashy.
Belly
You're pregnant, flat- bellied, or not quite flat bellied but proud anyways, and you'll be fucked if you'll keep it hidden.
  • Clingy is not your friend.  You'll find lumps that aren't there with skintight.  Form-fitting, on the other hand, will make you look like the goddess you are.
  • If you must wear a crop top, wear a full length tank beneath it.  No, I really don't care how good your abs are, wear a full length tank.  I'd really recommend staying away from the crop tops, though, and the tube tops.
  • Detailing on the stomach will draw the eye there as well.  Just be careful that you don't look pregnant because of the detailing if you aren't.
Hips
You've got lips, and hips, and you know how to use them.

  • Watch for whiskering and pulling at the crotch.  While they pull attention to the area, it's not flattering attention.
  •  In reality, these babies will pretty much call attention to themselves.  Pockets and detailing will draw attention, but just let them do it on their own.
Butt
Baby got back and her milkshake.. yeah, I'll stop there.  You have an ass to be proud of.
  •   Watch how your pants and jeans are cut.  You want them to cup your ass, but not strangle it.  You want your pockets to follow the curvature of your ass, not the other way around.
  • Go for minor detailing on back pockets, not too ornate.  Overly ornate and you start approaching teenager territory.
Pelvic Area
  Just don't.  There's no way to showcase this without looking trashy.

Legs
They're a mile long, or shorter than a 3 week old kitten.  They're thinner than Gisele's or heavily muscled and look more like Mia Hamm's.  Either way, you love your legs.
  • You'll contemplate short shorts and Daisy Dukes.  If you're legal, those aren't.  Put 'em back.
  • Skinny jeans and cigarette pants show them off without everyone knowing what kind of underwear you wear.  I love 'em for just that reason.
  • A skirt is your friend when you want the world to see your gams.  Just beware, much shorter than mid thigh can look dangerously skanky.
  • If you wear leggings, your shirt/ dress needs to cover your ass.  This is not negotiable.  Leggings are not pants.
  • Unless you're working out, put the yoga pants away.

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